i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
