my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
