yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
