Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
