the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
