omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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