Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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