Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
