So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
handjob tips. give me some.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
