morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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