tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
