how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
