Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
