Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
The ass gains better be worth it
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