Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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