i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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