I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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