8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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