Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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