i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God, I missed his penis.
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