My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
