he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Terrible idea I love it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
