im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
