she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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