In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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