Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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