Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
