Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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