oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
