last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
