The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
