It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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