We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
