I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
