question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
