I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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