I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
