i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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