so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
