need another drink. this is the easiest way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
