its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
