he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
