i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
