All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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