i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
