we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
