I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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