i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
