How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
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man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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