Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
