I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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