i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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