You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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