dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
