Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
