we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
