Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
