wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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