k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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