haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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