I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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