i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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