In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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