It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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