carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
someone owes me an orgasm
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
