i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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