he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Even my vagina gasped.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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