We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
