ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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