Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
