Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I have fence marks all over my body
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
