A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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