so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you traded sex for a burrito?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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