You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
