there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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