Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
